


teenage dirtbag

by cryptidknees (blueraeanddvd)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Consensual Underage Sex, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time Bottoming, Incest, M/M, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Pseudo-Incest, Puberty, Underage Sex, hes actually like 50 so its okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-30 16:32:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18319070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueraeanddvd/pseuds/cryptidknees
Summary: Puberty is making all aspects of Five's life hard, and Klaus just wants to help out.





	teenage dirtbag

Five made his way into the kitchen, being greeted by the smell of eggs and bacon. He found a seat at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee. Ever since he had turned back into a teenager, he hadn’t been able to enjoy his favorite drink. His young tastebuds rejected one of the only things he had left that he enjoyed. Typical.

The rest of his family trudged into the kitchen at different times. Klaus, surprisingly, was the next to arrive. His hair was knotted and messy, and he was wearing those god awful leather pants that were laced up at the side. He had on a black mesh top underneath his fur-trimmed coat. Five idly wondered if he ever washed his clothes, or if its been so long that they’re just stuck to him at this point. 

He took his seat next to Five, who shifted his chair a little bit farther from the man. Klaus was always so touchy-feely, and the puberty wired part of Five’s brain reacted strongly to touch. Even touch from his brother. It grossed him out when he reacted that way; he felt like since he was actually in his 50s, he should be able to control himself. But his younger body felt differently regarding the matter, and continued to excite him when Klaus would pat his thigh, scruff up his hair, or rub a hand on his back.

Klaus gave him a look as the chair squeaked farther away from him. He stared for a moment, then grinned and pushed his own chair even closer to Five than it was before, draping an arm around his shoulders.

“What’s wrong, Five? I just wanna have some quality bro breakfast time with you.” He joked as Five avoided eye contact, his grip on his fork tightening. He fought to gain his composure. When he came back from the future, Five soon found out that almost everything was a joke to Klaus. The lanky man child couldn’t take anything seriously, and apparently couldn’t read a room, either.

“Don’t you have something better to do than bother me?” Five snarled, finally looking his brother in the eye. He was smiling wide at him, eyes half lidded from either being high or tired, days old eyeliner smudged around his eyes, and thick lashes left little shadows on his lids. He could never deny that Klaus was a good looking guy, but close up he looked even better. He really rocked the junkie trash look.

Five felt his cheeks flush and the blood rush to his dick as he swiftly sat up and pushed his way out of his chair. With his back to his family, he left the room in a hurry. He heard Diego let out a  _ good going, Klaus _ as he left. He felt bad for only a moment, as he made his way upstairs to his room.

Soon after his departure, the sounds of footsteps could be heard following him.

“Fuck off, Klaus.” Five said as he reached for the door handle to his room. Before he could open it, two long, scrawny arms found their way around his torso and Klaus’s head was laid on his shoulder. He could feel the scruff of his facial hair against his own smooth skin, causing him to shiver. A sense of dread spread through him at the contact, and he struggled to break Klaus’s hold on him.

“You’re being so  _ moody  _ lately. I know you look like a teenager but you don’t have to act like one!” Klaus argued as his grip tightened around his brother; his brother who seemed to remember he has a superpower and teleported out of his arms. “Not fair!” He complained as he turned to face his now-younger yet also-older brother. 

He looked at Five, his face red and clothes now disheveled from the struggle, and his eyes found their way down to his crotch.

“I know you’re going to make fun of me, but why don’t you try going through puberty a second time? It  _ sucks _ .” Five said flatly, pulling his sweater down a bit to try to regain even a little bit of his dignity. He waited for a response from his brother, a sarcastic quip, a grin,  _ something _ , but nothing came. For once in his life, Klaus was at a loss for words.

Five looked back up at his brother, and he knew he was done for. He watched Klaus’s throat as he swallowed harshly, still staring at his crotch. He must’ve felt Five’s eyes on him, because he met his gaze and there was a second of silent agreement. Five walks past him into his bedroom, and Klaus follows mindlessly behind him. Once inside, Five closes and looks the door.

“First things first, we don’t tell  _ anybody _ about this.” Five said, and Klaus rolled his eyes at him from his spot on the bed. 

“Oh no, I really wanted to tell all my friends about how I  _ fucked  _ my teenage brother.  _ Oh, it’s okay, he’s actually fifty something so it’s not that big of a deal! _ ” He joked, running a hand across his face. Five smiled wryly and approached him. Klaus watched with lustful eyes as the boy approached him and sunk to his knees in front of him.

“Take off your pants, I wanna suck your dick.” Five commanded, and Klaus blindly followed the order. He scrambled around of the bed, trying to shimmy out of the tight pants. Five watched him as he did, undoing his own tie and button up shirt, slowly and methodically undressing himself.  “Maybe if you dressed like a sensible person, you wouldn’t have such an issue.” He half joked, and Klaus scoffed at him. 

“Would you prefer me in the skirt? Easier to get off.” He smirked, and Five didn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply, because  _ of course _ he would prefer him in a skirt; he didn’t need the ego boost from a confirmation.

The interaction felt almost too nonchalant to him, like they had done this before. He knew this was wrong on so many levels, and he was sure Klaus knew, too, and yet neither of them seemed to care. The normalcy of it all made him feel… something, but the arousal in his gut kept it at bay.

Klaus finally found his way out of his clothes and settled back on the edge of the bed where Five waited on his knees. Klaus reached a hand out to roam the side of the boy’s face, a look of fondness in his eyes. He looked so pretty like this, his unbuttoned shirt sitting loosely on his shoulders and his lust filled eyes looking up at him.

Five fought the urge to lean into the touch; the affection was almost inappropriate for the circumstance. He didn’t want any emotion in this interaction, it was just to get his hormonal body to  _ chill out _ and let him get things done, and yet he wanted so desperately to be loving and gentle with Klaus. 

He pulled his face away from the man’s hand, getting his head back into reality. He rested his own palms against Klaus’s thighs, watching as his chest filled and emptied. 

Five had never really done something like this with another person. During the apocalypse, you have  _ a lot _ of time to… experiment. It’s different with a person, though (excluding Dolores). Dolores was the only person Five had ever been with, and he couldn’t decide if the butterflies in his stomach were from excitement or nerves.

Five pulled at the waistband of Klaus’s boxers, letting his hard cock spring up against his chest; the head already glistened with precum. He spared a glance up at the man, who was watching him with hungry eyes. He smiled dumbly at his companion, and Five took that as his signal to begin.

He licked tentatively at the tip, tasting the salty substance on his tongue. The way Klaus released a shaky breath made Five want to give him more, but he hesitated.

“Try not to push or anything. I’m not exactly sure if I can even do this.” He said, to which Klaus replied with,

“You’re such a cocky asshole that I forgot you’re a virgin.” He smiled at Five, who didn’t return the favor. “All right, I promise I’ll restrain myself. Wouldn’t want to turn you off of your first real sexual experience.” He added, which relieved Five slightly. He thought about commenting something along the lines of  _ what Dolores and I had was real _ , but he held back. Since he had come back to the future, he was starting to realize exactly what his and Dolores’s relationship was: a fantasy. But that was too heavy a subject for the moment, and he pushed it down to focus on the task at hand.

Five spit into his palm before he wrapped a hand around Klaus’s cock. He chose to ignore the  _ ew _ from the man above him as he stroked him. He stared intently at his hand while he did, scared that if he looked up he would make eye contact. He was embarrassed by everything that was happening, but he was just too horny to care at this point.

He took the head into his mouth, suckling lightly. He was hesitant to take any more, fearful that he might gag. Klaus didn’t seem to mind, though, because he thread his hand into Five’s hair and groaned. God, did that do things for him, knowing that he could make Klaus feel this way.

He brought his other hand down to palm at his crotch, letting out a small moan around the dick in his mouth. 

“Fuck, Five, you’re doing so good.” Klaus told him, his voice airy and full of lust. Full of confidence, Five sucked down on him further, continuing to bob his head. Klaus couldn’t help but buck up into his throat, feeling the boy swallow around him, and  _ fuck _ it was so good. He pulled Five’s hair, guiding himself out of his mouth. He looked down at his counterpart, who appeared to be absolutely  _ wrecked _ ; his hair was disheveled from Klaus’s hands in it, his lips were swollen and covered in spit and precum, and those big green eyes looked up at Klaus with nothing but lust and pride in them. 

“I would offer to fuck you, because I’m almost certain you’re a bottom, but at this point in time my dick hasn’t really reached its…” he pauses, “full potential.” Five finished, and Klaus let out a huff of a laugh.

“I’m a switch, thank you very much.” Is all he had to say as a reply. Five scoffed half-heartedly and climbed up onto the bed with him, sitting in his lap. 

“Is it weird if I kiss you?” Klaus asked, because Five lips look so delicious and how can he  _ not _ kiss him.

“How would kissing me make this any weirder than it already is?” Five responded, to which Klaus replied with a light chuckle.

“Fair point,” he said, and engulfed the boy into a kiss. It started out tender, closed lips and a thumb grazing softly against Five’s cheek, but Five was hungry for more and licked at Klaus’s lips, eager for entrance. Klaus happily obliged, his own tongue finding its way into his partner’s mouth. He felt small hands tracing up his torso, causing him to shiver slightly. He ground his hips up against the boy on top of him, who let out an indignant and totally out-of-character squeak.

“Well, wasn’t that cute?” Klaus quipped, watching Five’s face flush a deeper shade of crimson.

“Do you ever shut up?” Five replied and pulled the man into another sloppy, hungry kiss.

“Only when you do that,” Klaus smiled, and he swore he saw the corner of Five’s mouth perk up. “C’mon now, let’s speed this up.” He said, and shifted so Five’s back was against the twin bed with Klaus above him.

Five looked so perfect, arms at his sides, his button up shirt lying lazily against the bed. His cheeks were flushed and his hair was a mess, and it was stunning. Klaus couldn’t help but stare and feel a sense of pride at the fact that he gets to sully this pure, beautiful angel. Five’s body was innocent, and Klaus gets to ravage it.

“Stop staring, you look like an idiot.” Five complained, just trying to get him to  _ do  _ something already. Klaus gave him a little  _ alright _ and swiftly pulled down the boy’s boxers. He spit into his hand, laughed as Five mocked his  _ ew _ from before, and began slowly stroking him. He took his sweet time with it, moving deliberately up and down the shaft. He listened as Five let out little breath moans and whines, his hands clenched tightly into the sheets underneath him.

“How about I return the favor for earlier?” Klaus grinned at the wreck of a teen.

“Yes, God, give me  _ something _ .” He panted out. Klaus clicked his tongue at him.

“Now where are your manners, young man?”

“ _ Please _ , Klaus, please, I need you.” Five begged him, reaching out to run a hand down the man’s bare chest. No matter how much he wanted to tease him more, he couldn’t hold back any longer. He bent down, swiftly taking the boy’s cock into his mouth. Five couldn’t help but moan at the feeling of Klaus’s slick, hot mouth on his dick, and let a hand drift into his hair to steady himself.

Klaus hummed around the cock in his mouth, moving up on the shaft to suck on the head. Five let out a guttural sound and gripped Klaus’s hair  _ hard _ .

“Klaus, I-I can’t,” he sputtered out, trying to let Klaus know. This only encouraged the man, who picked up the pace, and Five couldn’t help it any longer. He bit down on his lip hard enough to break the skin, choking on a moan as he came down Klaus’s throat. The man pulled off of Five’s cock with a  _ pop _ and licked his lips. 

“Fucking Christ,” Five panted, “you’re a  _ slut _ .” He huffed out a small laugh as Klaus grinned at him. God, Klaus was beautiful. Five had always thought he was attractive, but seeing him with pink, puffy lips after he sucked his dick felt like a religious experience. Klaus was a benevolent being, perfect and ethereal. 

“And you’re just finding this out now?” He quipped. He couldn’t get rid of the smile plastered on his face, and he wondered when the last time he was this happy sober was.

“I guess you’re just gonna have to show me your ways,” Five said, and Klaus’s face lit up.

“Was that a  _ joke _ I heard? From Number Five? I’m so proud!” He exclaimed, wrapping his  arms around the boy in a sweaty, sticky hug. Five buried his face in the man’s shoulder to suppress a smile.

“Will you just fuck me already?” He complained. He pushed Klaus away from him halfheartedly, and the man finally sat back and kissed him. It was tender and slow, and Klaus’s hand drifted lightly over Five’s cheeks and down his shoulders. Five shivered into the touch as his hands roamed down his chest, and the room was eerily quiet. No more jokes or complaints, only the sounds of their breath and their lips together.

Klaus pulled away, but didn’t dare ruin the hush in the room. His lips found their way to the boy’s neck, leaving a trail of kisses down from his ear. He nipped and sucked on the skin, hoping to leave a mark. Anything to remind him of this moment.

Five didn’t really know what to as Klaus kissed him. The affection was unfamiliar to the boy, seeing as he had spent 30 years alone in the apocalypse. Every touch, bite, kiss was a unique experience that sent shivers down his spine and a warm feeling in his gut.

“K-Klaus, please,” he breathed out desperately.

“Shh, I know. I just wanted to spoil you for a moment.” Klaus smiled contently at the boy, reaching down to grab his already hard cock. “You kids and your stamina,” he giggled.

“I’m older than you,” Five replied, sneering at the man, “stop distracting me with your stupid comments.”

Klaus’s smile never faltered. He asked for lube, to which Five replied ‘in the drawer’, and he held himself back from making another puberty joke. He grabbed his pants off the floor to pull a condom out of his pocket (thank god he has one), and then turned back to Five with the supplies in his hands.

“You’re sure you want to do this?” He asked one last time. Contrary to popular belief, Klaus could occasionally be responsible.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now, can we  _ please _ do this already?” Five insisted, to which Klaus shook his head eagerly. He placed a hand on the boy’s chest, pushing him down onto the bed.

“Lay down and relax. I’ve gotta stretch you first.” He instructed. He clicked the lid on the lube open, waiting for a response, but Five just obediently followed the order.

Klaus rubbed the lube in between his fingers, not wanting it to be cold. He knew how much it sucked to get cold fingers in your ass.

He rubbed his finger around the rim of Five’s entrance, listening as he sucked in a breath. Klaus reached a hand up to trail down his stomach.

“Just relax. I promise I’ll go slow.” Klaus assured, and slowly pushed his finger inside. He felt the boy clench around him, felt the warmth around his finger. He let out a little  _ shh _ to calm Five, and almost instantly he relaxed.

He thrusted in and out slowly, just trying to get him used to the sensation of it. Klaus, curled his finger slightly, reveling in the moans that escaped from Five’s mouth.

“Do more,” Five requested, received a look from Klaus, and then added “please.”

Klaus inserted another finger, going faster this time. Five tensed for only a moment as it entered, then relaxed around the digits. Another finger followed soon after, and with another curl of his fingers Five cried out.

“Bingo, baby.  _ That _ is your prostate, if you didn’t know.” Klaus grinned at the boy, but he couldn’t see. His eyes were closed, mouth agape as he panted, and his brow was tightly knit in what could be mistaken for concentration.

“I know what a prostate is, you dum-” Five tried to argue, but Klaus’s fingers reached inside him again and the only sound from the boy was a whine. He didn’t try to speak again.

After a bit more work, Klaus deemed that Five was ready for him and pulled his fingers out. He poured a generous amount of lube on his dick and on the boy’s hole, and positioned himself at his entrance. He didn’t think he had ever been harder in his life.

“One last time; are you sure you wanna do this?” Klaus asked. He just had to make sure. He convinced himself he wouldn’t be horribly crushed if he was rejected at this point.

“ _ Yes _ , Klaus! I swear, if your dick isn’t in me in the next 30 seconds, I’m going to kill you.” Five insisted, and Klaus took that as his signal to begin. He pushed the head against the entrance, thrusting slowly inside. For a moment, he thought he could cum just from this.

“Fuck, Five, you feel so good,” Klaus praised, running his hand up and down the boy’s chest as he entered. He wanted to make Five feel as good as he felt.

Once fully inside the boy, he paused to let him adjust.

“Tell me when I can move,” Klaus said to the boy, who shook his head and continued to pant in his ear. He smiled when he felt his legs wrap around his waist, and arms lock around his neck.

“Fuck me, Klaus.” Five said, opening his eyes for the first time in a while. He looked his partner in the eyes, who bent down and kissed him. Klaus figured that was as much an invitation as any, and pulled out just to thrust back in. 

Five moaned into his mouth, barely able to kiss him at all. His fingernails dug into Klaus’s back, stinging deliciously. Five was so perfect, so good for him, and Klaus reached down to grasp the boy’s cock in his hand. He stroked him in time with his thrusts, reveling in all of the moans and sobs from the boy underneath him. He settled into a rhythm, timing his strokes with his intensity-growing thrusts.

“Klaus, Klaus, Klaus,” Five repeated like a prayer, huffing and whining in between the words. This was heaven for Five, and he couldn’t imagine being anywhere else, or with anyone else but Klaus.

Klaus felt the boy’s cock twitching in his hand and knew he was ready to cum. He sped up his hand, erratically thrusting into his hole as he groaned in his ear. Five loved knowing he could drive Klaus wild like this.

“Fuck, Five, I’m gonna fill you up so good, my good boy,” Some part of him knew that this wasn’t true (because of the condom), but the words felt like butter as they slipped out of his mouth, and the way that Five moaned made him think he  _ really  _ liked the sound of them. 

“You’re such a fucking  _ slut _ , Klaus.” Five responded, and they were both done for. Klaus could feel as Five’s walls tightened around him as his orgasm wracked through him, causing him to moan and fuck into Five; his load filling up the condom inside him.

 

Both boys stayed silent for now, panting heavily as Klaus draped himself over Five. He was almost half asleep when the boy pushed at his chest.

“Get the fuck off, I wanna take a shower.” He said, and Klaus obliged with only a bit of protest.

“Can I come?” Klaus asked innocently, looking up at him from the bed and batting his eyelashes. Five rolled his eyes, but a small smile hinted at the corners of his mouth.

“C’mon,” Five gestured towards the bathroom, and Klaus happily bound towards him. Yeah, this was gonna be good.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't beta this and also I was high when I wrote it, so sorry if it's not that great. Thanks for reading, and comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!
> 
> P.S. I take fic and ship requests!!!


End file.
